What Do I Do with My Memories Now?

When a spouse, girlfriend, or boyfriend leaves our lives due to betrayal, whether it be a physical or emotional betrayal, one of the most difficult things to resolve is what to do with the memories you made with that person.  When you discover that for the last eight years of your marriage or relationship that this person was cheating on you or communicating with others online, it can be hard not to look at pictures of holidays, birthdays, vacations and ask yourself “what are these even worth to me now?”  But you have to ask yourself, what were those memories, those pictures, those mementos worth to you before you knew about the betrayal, the abuse, the lies. It is possible to work through the pain of being cheated on and still have happy memories to look back on. This person who cared so little about you, who cheated on you, who lied to you, already took away your planned future that you saw in your mind’s heart.  If you allow this person and their betrayal to also take away your memories, to taint what otherwise would bring you joy – then they have won, they have won completely. You do have the option to choose to look back on pictures, to allow the reel of your mind to roll back through time and see happy memories. Those are your memories too, not just theirs. It takes time, but you can slowly transition your understanding of those memories from “our” memories to “my” memories.  Allow yourself to reclaim that time period, find a way to let those memories continue to bring you joy and happiness. Instead of looking at pictures of a vacation and thinking about the relationship, you can start to remember things like how the mountains looked, how cold the stream was that you fell in on a hike, or how white the snow was when you went skiing that winter in Vermont. When we allow those who have hurt us to continue controlling our minds long after they chose to leave our lives, then we continuously give them power, give them control.  Release that power and control and choose to reclaim the past, make it yours, redefine your memories. That eight years, twenty years, or sometimes even forty years that you spent with that person can never be undone, but it can be reclaimed, reshaped, and rebuilt along your path to your future self! 

For further information on the legal matters revolving around a tumultuous split, contact a lawyer, like a post divorce lawyer in Arlington, TX.

Thanks to Brandy Austin Law Firm PLLC for their insight into divorce.

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